My Chemical Romance StoryI will not age gracefully!
My chemical romance starts at Wal-greens. It's a romance story alright, one of the master and the slave.
I’ve got a monkey on my back named Oil of Olay.
Every night I wash my face with two different facial soaps, apply a mild astringent toner, than apply three different night creams that promise to reduce fine lines, lighten dark patches, and illuminate my under eye area.
One of the creams I apply was originally made for post pregnancy stretch marks. When I travel I get bags and I don’t mean the ones in the overhead compartment, and at those times I’ve even been known to apply a cream otherwise used to shrink hemorrhoids. They need to make that stuff not smell like the cream otherwise known to shrink hemorrhoids – that stings one’s eyes and I don’t think that’s necessary to achieve the desired results.
I will not accept aging gracefully. I will wrestle that be-yotch to the matt and give her a wet-willy. I may not win this battle but aging will darn well know she was in a fight!
The only reason I haven’t gone for botox is because I’m not comfortable with the bovine botulism aspect of the formula and I’m not impressed with Tom Cruise’s ex-wife’s forehead. (give us sad, Nicole - Okay give us surprised….. okay…….sad again? Anything??) But I will apply fine sand-like granules to my face and buff with a battery operated buffer until it’s semi-raw and relish in the newly plowed facial cells this treatment produces.
I don’t know how I could break this addiction; I don’t wanna go to rehab. I say no, no no. Maybe I could try a kinder, gentler junk and start using all natural products like oatmeal and honey masks. Washing natural ingredients off is tricky. I once conditioned my hair with an egg and mayonnaise mixture and let it soak in with a king-soopers, plastic, grocery sack tied around my head. When I went to rinse it out I got the water too warm and I polluted my bath water with floating bits of deviled egg. Disgusting. At least my chemical romance doesn't clog up the jets in my soak tub.
Done with my chemical romance, take me to Poems
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