Step Parenting Advice -My Boyfriend Has Kids

Step-parenting advice please - my boyfriend has kids and I have a problem.

Dear Savvy

I have been dating a man for about one year now and I’m crazy about him but I see a potential area for conflict - I need some romance relationship advice.

He has a 23 yr. old daughter who lives at home and does nothing to contribute to the house-hold except put a dent in the couch. His relationship with her leaves much to be desired – they don’t talk much and she seems bored spitless.

He also has a younger son who he sees every other weekend and is bored out of his mind as well. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to recognize how detrimental this all is and I’m wondering if I should step in and offer my opinion or help?

I didn’t have kids in my previous marriage so this is all new to me. What should I do?

Jill

I'm going to make an assumption that since you're asking for step parenting advice and since you've been with him a year, you two are serious and heading towards engagement and marriage. If you are not - disregard and do not say ANYTHING to him - it's none of your business.

Family and how we relate to said family is a core value. If you do not align - trouble is on the horizon. That is not to say you are doomed! It is to say that you should - say something.

Since these are his kids it will be touchy - tread lightly. Make "Me" statements - do not tell him he isn't a good father. You might say, "Babe, we've been talking about living together/getting engaged and I need to tell you how I feel about daughter's ever-presence on the couch. It makes me feel like everyone is in a lose-lose. She isn't contributing to the family and I feel like maybe we're missing out on a better relationship with her.

His response to this kind of dialogue will speak volumes. If he gets defensive and doesn't come down off it you need to decide if that's what you want for the rest of your life.

Same thing for son. "Hon, I feel like son would be so much happier if we did some family activities and got him involved."

There is a problem - now het's see what he does to correct it!

Best to you,

Savvy Step Parenting Advice done, but More Dear Savvy